Thoughts from the Head Goose

So as I'm sitting on the couch this weekend watching my fantasy football players take a collective dump on the Resident Jew's team, 156-70, (yes, you read that correctly) in the Flock Football League this weekend, I got to thinking... Why so many different spellings of that Jewish High Holiday that occurs this week?  Like, if it's so official, why can't they all agree on one spelling of the word? A quick Google search of "spellings of hanukkah" returned 13 different results. THIRTEEN.

• Chanuka
• Chanukah
• Chanukkah
• Channukah
• Hanukah
• Hannukah
• Hanukkah
• Hanuka
• Hanukka
• Hanaka
• Haneka
• Hanika
• Khanukkah

Is that really necessary? I mean, I heard the story about the miracle with the oil in kindergarten, and I'm open to freedom of religion and all that, but all you Jewish people need to get your shit together. Pick a spelling and go with it. Maybe a million years ago when no one communicated it was okay to have different spellings of words, but over the past couple milleniums it has become fairly common to standardize the spelling of words. Do Christians spell Christmas nine different ways? No. I can't even think of nine spellings for Christmas... Kristmas? Krystmas? Chrystmas? Kristmiss? Krystmiss? Chrystmiss? Christmyss? Christmass? Xmas? 

I can't even imagine what nonsense the Resident Jew will say in rebuttal of this. Probably that he has more money than us, so he's a winner, and the winners write the history? Maybe some reference that we shouldn't talk because we skip church on Sunday's to pregame football games which the Bible probably doesn't endorse? Either way, Jesus is on our side. Not only does he love Tebow like none other, but Aaron Rodgers looks like him.

Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and have a lovely Kwanza. The Head Goose has spoken.